My body thinks I'm 19 while my mind is stuck in kindergarten. How does one fight that sort of discrepancy?

I can't sleep. Even though I'm exhausted from working a 9 hour shift, not to mention the fact that I have to get up in 6 to do it all over again, I can't stop my mind from racing. Where has all the time gone? Why am I growing up so fast and what do I do to make it stop? I have friends who are engaged, friends who are graduating college, and kids I babysat for entering high school. I always saw people come back from college to visit Lutheran and be blown away by how they could be living in a totally different world than me and it scared the living crap out of me. Well, welcome to that world Alexis, people are looking at you now.

I will be a Sophomore in college in a month (wasn't summer supposed to happen at some point?) and have no clue what I want out of life or to make of my life. I have ideas and dreams but when it comes down to it, I only want half of the future. I want independance, a strapping fellow to call my own, and responsibility...with that I would also like my mommy to do my grocery shopping and laundry, I don't want to pay my own bills and heaven forbid I have to work someone and not be able to take all the time off I want. I wouldn't mind it if college became a 10 year plan for me.

Suck. More to come.

All in all, a very good birthday indeed. =)

my dad wrote me a poem. i cried. woke up to 23 wonderful birthday text messages. i felt special. ate cheesecake. i think i might throw up soon.

here's to one last shot at this whole teenager thing. 19. whoa.

more to come later. for now, i shall celebrate with an 8 hour long nap on this glorious sleep number bed in a hotel with my mommy.

i. love. my. life.

Currently Listening Remedy By David Crowder Band see related

let's be honest...i don't have time to be on xanga, it's midterm week. But, since I am about halfway through lent and missing facebook more than ever, I have to find some other way to procrastinate. So, here I am.

I'm completely exhausted but loving life as seems to be the norm these days. Went to the Passion Conference 2 weekends ago, most amazing weekend of my entire life, no exaggerations. David Crowder, Chris Tomlin, Kristian Sanfill, Louie Giglio, and Frances Chan. If you know even one of those names, you know it was a great time. I can't even describe all the things God did in my heart. If you wanna know more, I'd be more than happy to share.

This weekend I went on another retreat type outing for North Dallas YoungLife leaders. They deemed it "Spouse Quest 2008" because so many couples in YL now met on this retreat. It was a lot of fun, good follow- up to Passion. Perhaps I met my future husband (that may be a little drastic) but I won't know until I get my stinkin' facebook back. Patience is a virtue? Whatev, we'll see.

This week is defined by: a Stat exam that is worth my degree in Advertising....no pressure, a Calc exam that I have no clue about what it's on, a Biology exam over a theory I don't even believe in, an interview to be a Tour Guide, all topped off by an all-night bus tour with 50-60 middle schoolers from my YoungLife group where we will ice skate, see a Mavs game, get ice cream, and play broomball between the hours of 8 pm and 5 am. Did I mention I'm already exhausted? Only Monday...

Once I get past all that it's easy sailing for the most part until April. My mom comes next week for my birthday which can mean only two things...good great food and comfortable heavenly hotel beds. Then it's home for a day, Florida for a week, home for a day and back to warm weather and school! For Easter my cousin comes and we're obviously gunna hit up Six Flags, then I get facebook back and let's face it thats just downright exciting.

The underlying lesson God is teaching me right now is that life is all about giving Him the glory and making His name famous. Matthew 5 says, "May they see your good works and praise your Father in heaven." Doesn't make much sense since almost everything we do that others see, we are given some of the credit for and others don't immediately turn to God. But, I'm learning.

Basically, the past ten days have been the most spritually fruitful days for me in a long time and I have no intention of stopping that now, even though I'm running on empty.

Oh, and it hit 75 degs today. I was hot. it was glorious.

Oh, and I'm thinking about writing a book on foot sleep. You know, the stages, why it happens. how to avoid it. Great idea. right? I know.

I know, I know..it's only February 1st (or 2nd depending on when I finish this post) but for some reason, I was anxious to get another post up. The weeks are FLYING by this semester. I have definitely enjoyed myself and have had more fun in the past 3 weeks than I did the entire first semester.

I had my first WyldLife club and it was definitely a lot of fun but wore me out...hardcore. I got placed in a middle school (6th, 7th, and 8th graders) with the majority of students being either Hispanic or African American. It was kind of funny meeting 4 (no exaggeration) girls with the same name as me...and not one of them was white. It was definitely a lot of crowd-control and breaking up of fights but I can definitely see why I was placed on this team. These middle schools need God and a light in them so desperately, it's ridiculous. Before us new leaders joined the team, this club was being run by two staff members. Not enough to corral 30-60 tired, rowdy, moody, and violent kids. It was an eye-opening experience but I am definitely excited to start building relationships and opening up these kids to what God has in store for them. At the end of club me and another leader, Hayley (actually Ian Baker-Finch's daughter, if I have any golf fans out there...) were brought up on stage for a "skit." Each of us picked two kids to help before being promptly covered in a trash bag. We were given new "hairstyles"....using Barbasol shaving cream. I sooooo wish I had gotten someone to take a picture but it was so awful; words can't even describe the mess that was my hair. I had two cans of the crap thoroughly "massaged" into my head by two middle school boys. I left school with about 90% of it still in my hair and had to walk the entire length of campus with white hair sticking out every which way. I don't even want to talk about it. My hair could be squeezed out to make bacon....still. Anyways, with YoungLife I got a tremendous feeling of peace once the kids came in. I know that, to them, I was one of the coolest people they had talked to all day, simply because I was 18 and in college. It's such a great feeling being in a position where you know you are in accordance with God's will. Period.

Classes are still a bust...no change there. My schedule still stinks on most days but Thursdays are a blessing.

I made the Honor Roll with High Distinction....like, what? I don't even know how I did that. Top 5% of my class or something crazy like that. Basically, all it means to me, is that I get to go to like 4 receptions and eat awesome food. Let's be honest, that's the only reason I chose to excel in my academics last semester.

I no longer think about being at home or wish I were still in high school for certain things. I have met people that will be my roommates next year, my accountability partners for the next 3 years, my vacations over the summer, and my wedding party should I ever find a decent guy. It's crazy how God has hooked me up. There are still aspects about this school that I hate, but those aside, this is it. This is the place I agonized over for my Junior and Senior years of high school. This is the place I was terrified to leave home for. Now, this IS home and I woudln't have it any other way.

So much more I could say; I'm just trying to really soak up every experience, every joke, every moment, even every trial. Because, if this goes by as fast as 7th-12th grades ( let's be honest, how can it not?) went...I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

Oh, and, no...I still won't have a Valentine come February 14th. But, I will be indulging in wonderful Mexican food and the gloriousness that is TCBY frozen yogurt. I hate this holiday just about as much as I would love it if I had a boyfriend. Sigh. One day he will come.

so, here's the deal. it's snowing and 20 degrees outside. i have no idea what's going on with that but it's cool, i can wait for the warm weather to return.

2nd semester is upon us and it is already better than last. I love my classes, not so much the timing (5 classes from 8-3 on MWF) but the courses and profs both seem like they are going to be great. I pulled off a 4.0 last semester and am hopeful that with a little hard work, I can achieve that once more. I also found out today that I was chosen to be a counselor at next fall's freshman christian retreat. i get to be a leader at the freshman retreat i never got in high school! that made me very excited. along with that, I officially start YoungLife on Monday...holy crap am I scared. i'm not even quite sure how I stumbled upon so many leadership roles but so far i'm pretty excited.

Last night I went to Billy Bob's..the largest honky tonk...in the world. I wore my boots, did the Texas two-step with a handful of strapping young men, and saw a real rodeo stadium. Toto, I don't think we're in Illinois anymore. I had to go for the experience, but it ended up being a ton of fun that lasted until 3 am. unfortunately, this morning was Friday according to my calendar...see class schedule above.

My new years resolution to get in shape (along with about 5 other resolutions) is going quite well so far. I've had at least one salad a day, most of the time it's two, and have begun my regualr workout. we'll see how long this lasts before I run out of time slash get too lazy but so far so good. not so much a resolution but more like a change, this semester i really want to focus on getting to know people as best as i can. I think last semester i let the SMU stereotype (rich and snobby) get the best of me. I didn't give everyone a fair shot, and judged too many people on outward appearance. Let's be honest, I was right a good majority of the time, but I hate to think about all the friendships I missed out on due to my own stupidity. So far, that is also going well and I have met plenty of people I could see being long term friends. That's the great part about college that I didn't embrace so much in the beginning. You meet someone new basically every day, and if you were intentional about it, it would be even easier. I used to think that I missed walking down the halls seeing hundreds of familiar faces but my paradigm is shifting to point where I almost enjoy seeing strangers more. I see the potential people have. I could, theoretically, have 11,000 friends by the time that diploma is in my hand. whoa.

Christmas break was sweet but I love being back to a busy schedule. A month with absolutely no work, no class, no meetings, no committments whatsoever was ridiculously disturbing. I woke up every morning feeling as though there was some big project I was procrastinating but there never was...I slept, ate at every restaurant imaginable, and just hung out. Bring on Spring break and Florida with the best friend!

Back to that whole snow situation..alexis is not a fan. I didn't come to Texas for this. someone fix it. K, thanks.